Show a fan (the kind you unfold not plug in):
Most people think this is for cooling yourself off on a hot day. It’s actually an ancient chinese whoopee cushion.
as you say whoopee cushion you pop open the fan so it makes a FFRRRTTT noise.
FAn
February 13, 2011Lips moving
February 14, 2009Your lips move more than an unnamed whitehouse source
Your lips move more than my 4 year old daughter
Your lips are moving like it’s 5pm on the 31st of the month
If your lips moved any more they’d be migrating
Soo Tired
February 14, 2009I’m soo tired that when I look at a stoner and think, “what a go getter”.
Soo cold…
February 14, 2009It was soo cold out today that an Eskimo told me to put on a coat.
It was soo cold out today that Al Gore admitted he was wrong.
It was soo cold out today that my coat needed a coat
It was soo cold out today that my furnace asked for a raise
Gum in Hare
February 14, 2009For rabbit puppet
Puppet: Can I have some gum?
Vent: No
P: Why not, you worried you’ll have gum stuck in your hare!
Washing a puppet
February 14, 2009For soft puppet
Vent: You are very dirty, why don’t you hop into the washer and dryer?
Puppet: I can’t
V: Why not?
P: Shrinkage
plane crash
February 14, 2009An airplane crashed in buffalo NY because of too much ice buildup on the wings. I thought we already won the fight against Mother Nature, you know the whole global warming deal…I”m pretty sure Al Gore declared us the winner.
Fancy Underwear
February 9, 2009When the economy is down and times are tough, the sales of fancy underwear goes down….and so do men’s erections.
Rewrite #1
When the economy isn’t doing well and times are tough, the sales of fancy underwear goes down….and so do men’s erections.
Rewrite #2
When the economy isn’t doing well , the sales of fancy women’s underwear goes down….and so do men’s erections.
margarita
February 8, 2009Jesus said I am the salt of the earth and Jose Cuervo said I am the salt of your Margarita
Plate spinning
February 8, 2009When about to place a plate on the person’s finger tip:
“Hold up your right hand and extend your finger like someone just cut you off…”
when they stick up the middle finger, or start to:
“No, like you’re going shame on you…”
