Jokes

FAn

louie617 — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 01:21:34 +0000

Show a fan (the kind you unfold not plug in):

Most people think this is for cooling yourself off on a hot day. It’s actually an ancient chinese whoopee cushion.

as you say whoopee cushion you pop open the fan so it makes a FFRRRTTT noise.

Lips moving

louie617 — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 21:29:12 +0000

Your lips move more than an unnamed whitehouse source

Your lips move more than my 4 year old daughter

Your lips are moving like it’s 5pm on the 31st of the month

If your lips moved any more they’d be migrating

Soo Tired

louie617 — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 21:25:59 +0000

I’m soo tired that when I look at a stoner and think, “what a go getter”.

Soo cold…

louie617 — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 19:22:12 +0000

It was soo cold out today that an Eskimo told me to put on a coat.

It was soo cold out today that Al Gore admitted he was wrong.

It was soo cold out today that my coat needed a coat

It was soo cold out today that my furnace asked for a raise

Gum in Hare

louie617 — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 16:50:37 +0000

For rabbit puppet

Puppet: Can I have some gum?

Vent: No

P: Why not, you worried you’ll have gum stuck in your hare!

Washing a puppet

louie617 — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 16:48:35 +0000

For soft puppet

Vent: You are very dirty, why don’t you hop into the washer and dryer?

Puppet: I can’t

V: Why not?

P: Shrinkage

plane crash

louie617 — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 16:35:39 +0000

An airplane crashed in buffalo NY because of too much ice buildup on the wings. I thought we already won the fight against Mother Nature, you know the whole global warming deal…I”m pretty sure Al Gore declared us the winner.

Fancy Underwear

louie617 — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:21:40 +0000

When the economy is down and times are tough, the sales of fancy underwear goes down….and so do men’s erections.

Rewrite #1

When the economy isn’t doing well and times are tough, the sales of fancy underwear goes down….and so do men’s erections.

Rewrite #2

When the economy isn’t doing well , the sales of fancy women’s underwear goes down….and so do men’s erections.

margarita

louie617 — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:54:36 +0000

Jesus said I am the salt of the earth and Jose Cuervo said I am the salt of your Margarita

Plate spinning

louie617 — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:50:14 +0000

When about to place a plate on the person’s finger tip:

“Hold up your right hand and extend your finger like someone just cut you off…”

when they stick up the middle finger, or start to:

“No, like you’re going shame on you…”